So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
