When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
two words: eviction party
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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