I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
