it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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