so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
