what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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