her facebook's as public as her vagina
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
