Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
