Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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