you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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