you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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