im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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