I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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