my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
