worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
