i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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