i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
