Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
