The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
