3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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