It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
