It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
