Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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