i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
