My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
