Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
