Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
