If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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