I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
