I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
