sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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