Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
