i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
