Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
