There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
