and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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