I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
