Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
