Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
