I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
