I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
