I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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