I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
