I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
