I want you more than these girls want KFC
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
