I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
