Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
should my penis look like a turkey
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
