I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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