yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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