is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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