HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
