a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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