I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
