i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
