be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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